should my penis look like a turkey
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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