I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
