im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
