the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
