i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i came on her dog
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
