Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
