Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
