My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
