Whod you bang
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
