you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
