high people should be assigned attendants
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
