Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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