Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize