He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
