she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
