His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
