She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
