See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize