my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i need some magic done to my vagina
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
