Whod you bang
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize