We named our party play list daddy issues
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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