census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
