I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
we're so committed to being not committed
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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