we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dicks are not precious.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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