Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
