i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
