matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
