wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She announced her abortion via fbk
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
