Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
love makes seman taste better
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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