so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
