my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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