By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just pee around me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
