Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
