my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
