Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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