I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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