Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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