..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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