i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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