I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
