Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
