if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
