I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
