If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
