My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
A+ Viking dick
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
