I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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