I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
wakey wakey hands off snakey
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You made out with two different species that night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize