I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
