he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
