the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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