wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize