I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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