we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
