I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
