these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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