so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I need a burrito and a hug.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
