as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
