No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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