The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
