quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize