it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
