New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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