I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
