forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
