The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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