A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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