You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
