At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
