I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
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how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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