could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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